It Came From the 1971 Sears Catalog: Bedding

Bedding

Actual tests in Sears Lab showed the average sheet-changing time was even less than 60 seconds... definitely a time saver. There are no further details regarding these actual laboratory tests. For example, the conditions of the test, the size of the bed and whether or not there were distractions such as animals refusing to remove themselves from the bed. All of these factors would affect sheet changing time. Could one have gotten their money back if their average sheet changing time was considerably longer than 60 seconds?

Models in the 1971 Sears Catalog were quite diverse. These models are a rare form of conjoined twin: parasitic twins - Asymmetrical conjoined twins, one twin being small, less formed, and dependent upon the other. I don't know if they are really conjoined twins but that is the best explanation for the presence of the butt ugly baby thing. You have to click on the thumbnail to appreciate the full fugliness of that baby. It just screws up the entire composition. It should have been air brushed out. If I were the model I would have refused to have that thing next to me. If the photographer insisted, to achieve the look of serenity I would have been thinking, "Thank God, that did not come out of my crotch, Thank God, that did not come out of my crotch, Thank God, that did not come out of my crotch..." The scary part is that is the best picture from the photo session.

This bedding just screams! What, exactly, I don't know.

Patriotism is the last refuge of the scoundrel.

The cool Dr. Seuss bedding. The bedding that every kid would have picked for their room but Mom and Dad could not afford it, so the kids got stuck with Percales that just take 60 seconds to change. Mom could change the sheets during the commercial breaks of her soap operas. Of course she is too drunk to get up and do the household chores. The sheer drudgery of being a housewife has broken her spirit and she seeks solace in alcohol. Dad comes home and is all pissed off that the house is a mess and dinner is not ready. After a hard day at work, the least he could have is a good meal and a clean house to come home to. After all the shouting he grabs a beer and sulks. All the kids hide in the bedroom under the crappy, ugly bedding. Dad works so hard to put a roof over our heads but we are still stuck with these stupid sheets that you can't make a fort out of because the top is attached to the bottom. And they are a bitch to fold and Mom gets so pissed off when we don't fold them right. I wish she would stop yelling all the time. I bet the Dr. Seuss sheets are easy to fold. Then Mom would not yell at us and she would be happy because the sheets are folded right. God forbid anyone have anything cool. If Mom and Dad cut back on the cigarettes and beer they could afford the neat Dr. Seuss bedding. Life would be much more bearable if the Cat in the Hat or the Lazy Lion shared a bed with me.*

*None of this resembles the author's childhood. The above is complete fiction. The catalog page is real, the rest is fiction.

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Bedding